A clearly distraught young child is attempting to do an art project for the very first time. In his opinion, it’s not going well and through his sobs he states, “I can’t do this, I am dumb, my friends can do it, it’s not perfect”. It looks perfectly acceptable to you and it hard to understand why he is so upset. It may well be that in his little mind, he needs to deliver perfection in order to be loved and accepted. The society we have created is drunk with the pursuit of perfection. We see it on TV, in magazines, in high achieving parents who expect nothing less from their children and in any circumstance where mistakes are not portrayed as an opportunity to learn. Often, teachers are left to deal with this sad situation and with this in mind, here are five classroom strategies you can use to help your young perfectionists.
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Be aware that Perfectionism = Anxiety. The first step in changing any behaviour is the awareness that it exists. Understand that the pursuit of perfection results in anxiety. Be mindful of what the child is feeling and help them identify that they are anxious. Here are 2 examples that you can try or adapt, depending on the age of the child to take their mind off the problem and lessen their anxiety.
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- I can see that you are feeling anxious, let’s take a little break. “I wonder if you can watch that clock and let me know when 2 minutes have gone by?” or
- “Let’s pretend we are blowing up a big red balloon. We’ll take a big breath and blow for the count of 5. How big is your balloon?”
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- Set the Tone. Be aware of the standards you set for yourself. Are you striving for perfection or excellence? (see table below). How are you making this evident in your classroom? Do you need to make any changes? Does your classroom speak to a belief in one’s ability to grow, learn from mistakes and work hard to succeed. Are you using language that conveys this? Download our free Growth Mindset Posters for your classroom.
- Share your own mistakes. If you make a mistake in the classroom, share that you’ve made a mistake with your learners and discuss what you have learned from that mistake. Depending on circumstances, start a discussion and ask for their suggestions on how the mistake could be remedied.
- Share stories about people who have succeeded despite making mistakes. Edison always pops into my head when discussing this topic. Hearing stories of people who made mistakes and persevered to reach great heights inspires us as adults and children are no different.
- Teach problem solving. Classroom problem solving activities should engage children’s senses, be interesting and relevant. With older children, discussing moral dilemmas is a great way to get them talking about problem solving. Decide on topics that your learners might encounter in life, these may include something along the lines of “I saw a friend of mine bullying a younger child, what should I do?”. Write them down on separate pieces of paper, fold them up and have each learner draw. Ask a learner to draw an item from the bag read it aloud, then ask the class for suggestions on how they would handle the situation. With small children, this could take the form of a story e.g. … and then Benjamin bunny’s house fell down. Oh no! What should he do?
If you have any ideas of how to help our young perfectionist, I would love you to share in the comments below so that we can all learn from your valuable experiences.
My name is Adele Buys. I am an edupreneur, master life coach, NLP Practitioner and co-owner of Innovation Advance Training & Events. We are passionate about moving people forward and love providing ongoing learning for corporates, educators and individuals.
Download our printable Growth Mindset posters for your classroom.
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